worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
