She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
