I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
