I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just pee around me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
