Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize