Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Your dad touched me again.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Randomize
