It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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