I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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