you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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