hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
