how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
