The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
