I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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