I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
