btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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