loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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