there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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