Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize