3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
