The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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