Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
