I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
