This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
