Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Couch. On fire.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
