I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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