I could make wine with my vomit
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
