i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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