Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
