I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
