just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
