Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Boobs are out for the taking
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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