just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
