it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
