Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
