this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
