I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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