I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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