repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
