Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
