I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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