When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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