Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
