Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
