you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
