he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
