...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
