drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
