Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
