You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she smelled like a LAN party
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
