I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
