ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
