last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
