so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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