Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
