I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
did i walk over a car last night?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
