Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
