New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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