good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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