I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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