some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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