worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
