when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
