Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
