she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
