you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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