They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
