I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
