im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
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Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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