What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
