But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
