I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
