I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
