i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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