She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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