I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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