Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
