after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
