You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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